The Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw Show
by OnyxWoof73
Summary: Basically what the title says! Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw start a talk show! WARNING: CRAZY STUFF HAPPENS- especially when Mothwing gets bored... Rated PG12-Moons.
1. Pilot- Tawnypelt

**WARNING: THIS IS 82% CRACK! WRITTEN AT TWO IN THE MORNING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING!**

 **Read at your own peril.**

 **Have fun!**

 **So here's how they start...it's all Squirrelflight's idea! Enjoy!**

Squirrelflight was talking to Brambleclaw. "We soooooooooooo need to make a talk show. We can be the hosts! Isn't that a wonderful idea? Yes, it is!"

"Squirrely, what-"

"I knew you would," Squirrelflight squealed. "Thanks, Bramblekins!"

"Hello, and welcome to the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw show! This week's topic: Who is the best mother in ShadowClan?"

Brambleclaw cheered, "It's my sister, Tawnypelt! She raised Flametail, who, unfortunately died, there's Tigerheart and Dawnpelt! Tawnypelt definitely raised good warriors for ShadowClan."

"Yes," mumbled Leafpool, the camera-cat. She wasn't very happy with her role in her sister's talk show.

"Please welcome this Thunder-Shadow she-cat!" Squirrelflight cheered.

Tawnypelt strolled onto the stage and took a seat opposite of Squirrelflight next to Brambleclaw.

"So, Tawnypelt, how did you feel about your father going to ShadowClan?" Squirrelflight asked. Brambleclaw flipped through a bunch of papers stapled together.

"That's not on the script!"

"It is now," Squirrelflight flashed him a smile and handed him her script. "See?"

"Well, I missed ThunderClan, but they were always judging me by Tigerstar's actions..." Tawnypelt mewed.

"Have you read the new book by him? You know, How to Kill your Clan Leader? Have you read it? I read it. I got it off the Yellowfang and Nightcloud show...I love that show! Nightcloud is so cool with all of her hashtags!"

"Let's get back to the script, shall we?" Brambleclaw was getting impatient.

"So, Tawnykins how are your kits?"

"Don't call me that, _Bramble-baby_! But Tigerkins, Dawny-poo and even Flamebaby are okay. I miss my little Flame-baby so much!"

"Well, Dawnpelt is mad at Jayfeather, right? That's not fair. My little Jaybaby didn't do anything!" Leafpool piped up.

"Dawny-poo is still mad at him, you know."

"Mom! Don't call me that!" Dawnpelt's voice came on. Tigerheart's voice followed.

"Make her stop calling me Tigerkins. Please tell her not to call me Tigerbaby!"

"Tigerbaby is such a sweet boy!"

"Augh!"

"What about when he loved Dovewing?" Squirrelflight questioned.

Tigerheart stormed onto the stage. "I never loved Dovewing!"

Dawnpelt came right out behind him. "Don't call me Dawny-poo! And Squirrelflight's Jayfeather killed my brother!"

"Jaybaby did nothing wrong!"

"He killed Flametail!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Not!"

"Did too!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"Ladies, stop!" Brambleclaw yowled. Leafpool joined him.

"Squirrely, stop!"

"Sorry, Leafykins! Sorry, Bramblebaby!" Squirrelflight sat back down, Dawnpelt still staring angrily at the ginger she-cat.

"So, Tawnypelt, how have you kept these kittens from wreaking havoc on me? They're not very well behaved!" Squirrelflight mewed.

"How dare you insult my kitties!"

"How dare _you_ come on this show!"

"You invited me!"

"Did not!"

"We can't argue like this, Mama!" Tigerheart quickly mewed. "Not while Flametail is still with us!"

"Flametail's _here_?" Tawnypelt sniffled, and Brambleclaw handed her a box of tissues.

"Yes! He's in StarClan, with us!"

"We're not in StarClan, you mouse-brain!" Squirrelflight snickered.

"My son is not a mouse-brain!"

"Yes he is! And it's genetic!"

"What?! How dare you!"

"I dare!"

"You're a bad mother!"

"Bad mother yourself!"

"No!"

Tawnypelt launched herself at Squirrelflight, yowling a few choice words. The crowd chanted, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Leafpool shut the camera off before kittens' ears could get too severely damaged and ran to help Brambleclaw break up the fighting she-cats.

 **So, that's it!**

 **See if you can guess the next episode!**

 **HINT: Thunder or River? I must stay in Thunder.**

 **Oops. I think I gave it away. Oh well!**

 **~Onyx**


	2. Bluestar

**Chapter Two: Thunder or River? I must stay in Thunder. Yes, it's Bluestar!**

Episode Two: _Thunder or River? I must stay in Thunder._

Brambleclaw strolled onto the stage. Squirrelflight ran after him, clutching a book.

"Hey, everybody! Welcome to the Thunder High School Show! We're reviewing What's it like in StarClan? By my sister Leafy-pool!"

Brambleclaw looked confused.

"Okay, two things. Aren't we calling it the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw Show? And, we're not reviewing a book in this episode; we're doing that next time."

"No!"

"Yes, Squirrely."

"Only my sister calls me that, Bramblebaby!"

"Well, anyway, let's all welcome Bluestar!" Brambleclaw yowled, quieting his mate.

"Hey, everybody!" the blue-furred she-cat waltzed onto the stage.

"So, Bluestar, who was your mate?"

"Oakheart. I loved him! He was so handsome and brave, and then Redtail chased him under a rock that fell on top of him and he died!"

"That's sad," Brambleclaw mewed. "Who were your kits?"

"Mistyfoot, Stonepelt, and Mosskit. But little Mossykins died. However, Mistykins lived to be Mistystar, RiverClan leader! But it was so hard, leaving my kits. But I had to, understand!"

"Yes, you did! And you saved ThunderClan from Thistleclaw! But your sister Snowfur was his mate. What was your take on this?" Squirrelflight read off the script.

Bluestar growled, "Snowfur was blinded by her love for him. She never realized what terror he would bring. Luckily, I helped raise Whitestorm in his mother's absence."

"Didn't you tell Fireheart?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I felt I could trust him."

"Thanks, Bluestar! #blueyisawesome!" Squirrelflight mewed happily.

"No!" Brambleclaw groaned. "We are _not_ doing hashtags!"

 **Yeah! Go Bramblebaby! SquirrelxBramble! I'm the only one (probably) who wants AshxPoppy...Oh, well!**

 **Next episode:** _ **Book Review! + Special guest: the author! It's in this episode**_ **. Whoops. i gave it away. whatever.**

 **AN 2017: this is really short. I don't know why.**


	3. Book Review, Leafpool

**Chapter Three: Book Review with a Special Guest: the author! Yees, it's Leafpool's What's it Like in StarClan? I wonder how you all guessed! *snicker***

 **Also, thanks to Snowcrystal of Thunderclan for reviewing! lol yes it's random.**

Squirrelflight ran onto the stage yelling, "Yeah! It's time for Leafy's Book Review!"

Brambleclaw ran after her. "Yeah. Welcome to the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw Show, otherwise known as the Thunder High Show! Today, we're talking and reviewing! You guessed it! It's a book review!"

"Today's book is What's it Like in StarClan? By my sister, Leafykins!" Squirrelflight squealed like a kit.

Leafpool sauntered onto the stage. "Hey, Crowy!" she flashed a smile to the camera-cat, who was Crowfeather.

"So, Brambleclaw and I both read your newest book, What's it Like in StarClan? Now, you'll just sit there while we review it and answer our questions." Squirrelflight was really reading off the script.

"Leafpool's book gives and insight to all cats who are wondering what life is like in StarClan. Thanks to all of the readers who voted on our poll:  . !" Brambleclaw mewed.

"Yes, thanks to you all! So Leafpool, how did you do the research for this book?" Squirrelflight asked.

"I prayed to Spottedleaf and she helped me! She gave me a tour of StarClan! And it's real, folks!" she turned to the camera, holding up the book. "It's a real thriller!"

"Not the right word!" Squirrelflight hissed.

"It satisfied all of my wonderings," Brambleclaw mewed hastily, getting the attention back on him.

"Thank you, Leafykins! #iloveyou!"

"No! We're not doing hashtags!" Brambleclaw growled.

 **Yeah, that was short. I'm running out of cats to go on the show. So: the next special guests: they have a show too!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **~Onyx**


	4. Yellowfang and Nightcloud

**Chapter Four: Two Special guests!**

 ** **Thanks to Snowcrystal of Thunderclan for their suggestion! lol okay I think I will.****

 ** **Also, thanks to Hiya for reviewing and for their suggestion. Maybe I will later, I have a plan for this fanfic but I could stick Half Moon in there. Oh gosh, their reactions would be hilarious****

 **Yellowfang and Nightcloud! lol also ignore the random song stuck in here...**

"Welcome to the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw show!" Squirrelflight bounced into her chair, not caring whether Brambleclaw was ready or not.

"Hey!" Brambleclaw ran out, putting some cool shades on and slipping into his chair. "We have two special guests today: Yellowfang and Nightcloud!"

An old, grey she-cat and a black she-cat came onto the show. Nightcloud was singing: "if I was your girlfriend I'd never let you go. Crowy, I'd take you places you'd never been before…"

"What did I say about no Justin Bieber?" Yellowfang snarled.

"We're not on your show!" Nightcloud squealed, happy to find a loophole.

"Welcome, Yellowfang and Nightcloud!"

Nightcloud wasn't listening. She stared at the camera-cat.

"Her?!" she shrieked. "Leaf-poo? The cat that stole my Crowy?! She's your Camera-cat?! No!"

"Crowy, if you're listening, here's a special song I wrote for you!"

"No," Yellowfang, Squirrelflight, and Brambleclaw all groaned.

" Oh, oh, Crowy, if you're listening

I want you to know that my face is glistening,

Because of all the tears you brought,

Because of what you thought,

Oh-oh-oh!

I'm nothing, nothing, nothing to you,

You just want to be through

With me!

And go with this Leaf-poo!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

I don't want trouble with you,

I just want this to be through!

I don't like seeing you with Leaf-poo!

But I gotta hold on,

To the belief that one day,

You'll come back to me and say,

"Oh, Nighty, you were right,

And I'm sorry for the fight,

I'll stay with you for the end of time,

Never, never, to go with that leaf-grime!"

And we'll end this love-hate triangle!

Because I don't like Leafy-poo!

The only thing that matters,

In my world is you!

So, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,

I just want to let you know,

And to tell and show,

That I still love you yet

Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,

You still don't love me I bet!

But I see the way it goes,

Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,

You're still mating WindClan's foes!

So, yeah, that's my song to my Crowy!" Nightcloud took her seat, looking embarrassed.

There was an awkward silence.

"Thank you, for that unplanned bit of singing," Squirrelflight said, breaking the pause.

"Crowy's still with me, even though you sang that song. He doesn't even watch the Yellowfang and Nightcloud show! Only the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw show, because sometimes I fill in for my sister!" Leafpool growled.

"Yeah, Nightcloud, Crowfeather is with my sister! #CrowxLeaf!"

"Hey!" Nightcloud got out of her chair again. "Hashtags are _my_ thing! And you defended my arch nemesis!" the black tabby broke into song again:

"There's nobody Leaf-poo can beat,

'Cause she's at the bottom of the heap!

There's no one that I can't beat,

'Cause on me, Crowy is sweet!

'Cause without you, my life is sweet.

I don't know why Crowy prefers you,

It's just a big mistake!

I am the real one,

And Leafy-poo's just a fake.

Your son hates you anyway,

So just give my Crowy away!"

"Anyway, we're here to pose a question to our listeners! Who is the better mother? Who turned out better? It's Shadow vs. Wind, guys! Vote online!" Squirrelflight mewed.

"Breezykins!"

"Brokenbaby!"

"Breezybaby!"

"Brokenkins!"

"Breezykins!"

"Brokenbaby!"

"STOP!" Crowfeather ran on, which was a mistake. Leafpool and Nightcloud launched themselves at him. Squirrelflight ran into Nightcloud, knocking her aside. Nightcloud growled and leapt at Squirrelflight, yowling a few choice words.

"NightxCrow forever!"

"LeafxCrow forever!"

"No!" Crowfeather ran off the stage with Leafpool chasing him. "Crowy, come back!"

"#imgettingattackedbyashe-catwhydoialwaysgetattacked!" Squirrelflight screamed and she typed madly on her iPhone 5s while Nightcloud chased her around after Crowfeather and Leafpool.

"Don't your shows always end up like this?" Brambleclaw asked Yellowfang, who was just sitting there, watching the whole fight. She nodded.

"Yeah. They do."

"Let's turn it off before some queen sues us for putting 'G' rating on our episode disks when it's probably like PG-12Moons," Brambleclaw suggested. He turned to the camera, waved and said, "Next episode: will Squirrelflight survive? Or will Nightcloud kill her and then proceed to kill Leafpool so that she has Crowfeather all to herself? You'll see next episode!"

Yellowfang shut off the camera and dragged Nightcloud off the stage, who was still yelling choice words at Squirrelflight.

"#omgsogladshe'sgone!" Squirrelflight gasped and Brambleclaw groaned.

"We're not doing hashtags!

 **Okay, guys, who would you want to be your mother: Nightcloud or Yellowfang? I'd say Yellowfang, if she wasn't a medicine cat.**

 **Siblings! Breeze or Broken? I'd say Breeze 'cept he's kind of annoying!**

 **Next up: Worst Mother Ever, plus a YouVote!**

 **~Onyx**


	5. Worst Mother Ever

**Chapter Five: Worst Mother Ever**

 **Thanks to Willowclaw of mapleclan and Snowcrystal of Thunderclan for reviewing!**

 **Willowclaw- Bluestar already had her own episode, so i'm probably not going to do that, sorry. and wait up for Oakheart, Crookedstar, and Rainflower!**

 **Snowcrystal- I definitely agree with you. Rainflower was a little b**** and I did not like her. She was mean for no reason.**

 **So yeah, it's between quite a few: Leafpool, Rainflower, Millie, Nightcloud, and Yellowfang!**

Squirrelflight came onto the stage, sipping coffee and reading a book.

"Hmmm, 'Worst Mother Ever', interesting…no! They've got it all wrong! Bramblebaby!"

Brambleclaw came hurrying onto the stage. "Squirrely? Wassup?"

"This book, 'Worst Mother Ever, is all wrong! They say it's Silverstream!"

"She wasn't even a mother for 5 seconds," protested Brambleclaw. Squirrelflight chucked the book off stage, ignoring the muffled "ouch" that followed.

"Exactly! Silverstream would have been the best mother ever! I love her!" Squirrelflight yowled.

"Wait a second," Brambleclaw paused, and peered intently at his script. "That's our next topic. Squirrelflight?!"

"We'll be talking to quite a few cats today, so why don't we get started? Please welcome…Jayfeather!" Squirrelflight cheered, ignoring Brambleclaw.

A grey tabby wandered onto the stage and took a seat next to Brambleclaw.

"Hey, Jayfeather! So, what do you think of your mother, Leafpool?" Brambleclaw asked.

Jayfeather bared his teeth. "She's the worst mother ever! She's not even supposed to be a mother, and she doesn't even bother to tell us!"

"Exactly," said Lionblaze, coming out and taking a seat near Brambleclaw. "She lays everything on you, Squirrelflight."

"I guess," said Squirrelflight uneasily.

"So she's the worst mother ever," said a black she-cat who was the camera-cat.

"Hollyleaf! You're not supposed to talk!" Lionblaze hissed.

Hollyleaf muttered something under her breath.

"Thank you, Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyflower! Next cat up: Rainflower!" Brambleclaw cried as Jayfeather and Lionblaze left the stage. "Please welcome…Crookedstar!"

A tabby with a broken jaw came on to the show, waving. He took a seat next to Squirrelflight.

"What do you think of your mother, Rainflower?" Brambleclaw asked, knowing the response.

"She's horrible!" the tabby hissed. "Just because I have a broken jaw isn't a reason to shun me! She didn't care for me at all!"

"That is a little harsh," Squirrelflight admitted. Crookedstar's eyes grew wide.

"A little? A little harsh? That's horrible! #rainfloweristheworstmotherever!" the RiverClan leader bared his teeth, which was hard to pull off with a broken jaw, but he did it anyway.

"Thanks, Crookedstar!" Squirrelflight cheered and Crookedstar walked away. "Next terrible mother: Millie! Please welcome Bumblestripe and Blossomfall!"

Two cats came sauntering onto the stage.

"Bumblestripe, what is your impression of Millie?"

"She's a terrible mother," Bumblestripe mewed, while Blossomfall nodded in agreement.

"She only cares about Briarlight," she added. "Just because she's disabled doesn't mean a mother shouldn't care for her other kits!"

"I think she's wonderful," called a voice backstage.

"Nobody asked you, Briarlight!" Brambleclaw yelled.

"That's right," Bumblestripe murmured.

"Thanks for coming here," Squirrelflight mewed. "Off you go. We need to welcome our next guest: Breezepelt, on Nightcloud!"

A black tabby, looking much like Nightcloud, came on.

"Hey, everybody!"

"So, Breezepelt, how is Nightcloud a bad mom?"

"All she cares about is my father, Crowfeather and his relationship with Leaf-poo. She's obsessed with him!"

"Obsession is bad," Brambleclaw murmured.

"I agree. Also, she's really overprotective of me. Honestly, I'm a warrior! I can take care of myself!"

"That's bad," Brambleclaw murmured again. Squirrelflight shot him a look. Brambleclaw fidgeted and muttered,

"So, Breezepelt, would you say that she's the worst mother ever?"

"Definitely!" Breezepelt nodded enthusiastically.

"Thanks, Breezykins!" Squirrelflight flashed him a smile. Breezepelt's yellow eyes narrowed.

"Only my mom is allowed to call me that!" he growled, and yelling a war cry he launched himself at Squirrelflight, who squealed, whipped out her iPhone 7s and screamed, "#breezyhatesme! #imgettingattackedbyasociopath!"

Hollyleaf ran over, shoving Breezepelt out of the way. "It's time to welcome our next guest; Brokenstar!"

A ragged tom came on, grabbed Breezepelt's scruff, and hauled him away. "Get away!" He said through a mouthful of fur. "I'm on the show now!"

"Geez! Sorry, Brokenstar!" Breezepelt, looking scared, scurried off the stage.

Brokenstar glared after him.

"Stinkin' WindClan cat," he growled.

"Yes, um, uh, welcome to the show, Brokenstar! What's your opinion of Yellowfang?" Squirrelflight mewed, getting settled back in her chair and putting her iPhone 7s away.

"Worst mother ever! She doesn't even tell me that she's my mother, and then springs it on me once I'm almost dying! That's terrible if you ask me."

"Yes, terrible!" Brambleclaw was anxious. "Um, so yeah, those are our mothers! Vote online! Which is the worst of these: Leafpool, Rainflower, Millie, Nightcloud, or Yellowfang? Please vote!"

"#votecauseuloveus!" Squirrelflight yelled, and Brambleclaw groaned.

"We're not doing hashtags!"

 **Yes, please vote! I need at least 25 votes before I post the "winner". You vote! Thank you guys!**

 **Next episode: Loyalty or Love, TRIPLE EPISODE!**

 **~Onyx**


End file.
